Is there a better way to do 1:1s? Let's find out.

Situation

“I feel like my 1:1s could work better. There is room for enhancement, but I’m not sure where or how.”

If that’s you, this post is the ammunition.

The slot

I use a 60-minute allocation:

45 minutes for the invite and talk
5 minutes for the summary and writing action items with specific owners (including me)
10 minutes to prep for the next talk

Cadence

On-demand, no hard rule. I default to bi-weekly, weekly for the first 3-6 months with a new starter.
Bi-weekly for ICs, weekly for managers.
Tip: Group your 1:1s into 1-2 days. Don’t spread them across the whole week.

Ownership

Ask your direct report to send you the invite. The 1:1 is theirs, not yours. Provide a time window.
Reschedule, don’t cancel. The message that spending time with them matters is essential.
Written agenda in the invite. Add a link to notes / action items.

Foundation: the first 4 sessions build trust

Before we run a regular 1:1 agenda, we HAVE TO build trust. Nobody responds openly to “how are you doing” unless the trust is real. These are the initial 4 sessions I run:

Session #1: “I’m human”

I open up my profile: who I am, how to communicate with me, my principles, my way of working.
I ask about their professional and personal interests.
I state the message clearly: “Your success is my success.”

Session #2: “We have a clear mission”

Make sure they understand our strategy, our current roadmap, and what opportunities are ahead.
Without this, we can’t expect them to make aligned decisions during planning or prioritisation.

Session #3: “I want you to succeed”

Find the most valuable career ambitions and personal goals in the 6-24 month window.
Pick the right steps. Write down the IDP/PDP (a sheet is fine, no tool needed).
What might get in the way? How do we avoid it?

Session #4: “I’m ready to help”

What areas do you want the most support with?
What’s the best way to give you feedback?

Only after these four, we can move on to the typical 1:1 agenda.

The core 1:1 agenda

Greetings: eyes, smile, attitude.
Start with “How can I help you?” in the very beginning. No status updates. Our roles change: they are above you.

Marian Kamenistak in a 1:1 mentoring session. — The agenda in practice: listening first, status updates last.

Review your notes and action items. Lead by example.
Set priorities: “What is the topmost thing you focus on?” Too many answers → no scope. No answer → no alignment.
Growth: “How are you doing with your IDP/PDP?” Ask monthly. Ask it once a quarter and you signal their growth isn’t important.
Only then, open operational topics.
Write down action items and assign owners. Note it in a tool. Spreadsheet is fine. Tip: use a separate issue type in Jira. What’s not on the board doesn’t exist.
Provide feedback. Energise on small wins: “I enjoyed seeing…” Or the negative: “I was troubled to see…”
Be grateful and human: “Thanks.” Plant the top outcome.

Tip: Resist jumping to solutions right away. Understand the motivation and the priority first. Then guide, don’t rescue. Teach them to handle the situation on their own next time: “Have you communicated with X? Have you prepared Y? Have you thought of Z? Have you come up with a proposal before asking?”

Teaching people to take ownership makes the company scale. Otherwise, you become the bottleneck.

Async 1:1

Build a direct private channel with each direct report.

Put meeting notes, action items, and ownership there.
Build an automated nudge: “Put your topics / thoughts / notes continuously.”
Semaphore rule: if a report writes a message with a red flag, we resolve it instantly, not at the next session.

Signals it’s working

The direct report talks more than you.
Status updates take a small share of the time; those belong in review meetings and transparent roadmaps.
Most importantly: you feel the connection. Trust. Purpose.

When you run out of topics

Check 1on.one. Or walk. Instead of closing yourself in a room, make it informal and walk to a coffee / tea / lunch.

”My manager s**ks”: the IC’s playbook

Individual contributors expect managers to set up the right environment. How about managing up?

Ask “Can I take something off your plate?”
Build a shared Slack channel or spreadsheet where you put the pre-agreed growth plan.
Ask to change the cadence or adjust the typical agenda.

The mission

Write down your company’s 1:1 guideline as a document in the knowledge base, not as a process. Guidelines survive. Processes decay.

The more we help raise first-time engineering managers in our territory, the faster our local companies match Berlin and London.

Frequently asked

How do you run an effective 1 on 1 meeting?+

Open by asking how you can help them, and leave status updates for last. Review the notes and action items from last time, set the one topmost priority, check progress on the development plan, then open operational topics. Write action items with named owners before the call ends.

How often should 1 on 1 meetings be done?+

Bi-weekly for individual contributors, weekly for managers and for anyone in their first three to six months. The slot is 60 minutes: 45 to talk, 5 to write action items, 10 to prepare the next one. Group them into one or two days rather than spreading them across the week.

What should you cover in the first 1 on 1s with a new report?+

Four sessions before any regular agenda, because nobody answers how are you doing without trust. Session one is who I am and how to work with me; session two is the strategy and roadmap. Session three sets career goals and the development plan; session four asks how they want support and feedback.

What are the signs of a bad 1 on 1?+

A bad 1:1 is one where you talk more than the direct report and most of the time goes to status updates. Status belongs in review meetings and a transparent roadmap. When it works, they talk more than you, status takes a small share of the time, and you feel the connection.