--- title: "Is there a better way to do 1:1s? Let's find out. | 1:1 mentoring" description: "The 60-min slot, the 4-session foundation to build trust, the core agenda, and the async pattern. The full playbook I use with every new mentee running 1:1s." url: "https://www.marian.coach/blog/one-on-ones/" lang: "en" image: "https://www.marian.coach/images/blog-covers/one-on-ones.webp" --- ![Is there a better way to do 1:1s? Let's find out.](https://www.marian.coach/images/blog-covers/one-on-ones.webp) ## Situation > “I feel like my 1:1s could work better. There is room for enhancement, but I’m not sure where or how.” If that’s you, this post is the ammunition. ## The slot I use a **60-minute allocation**: - **45 minutes** for the invite and talk - **5 minutes** for the summary and writing action items with specific owners (including me) - **10 minutes** to prep for the next talk ## Cadence - **On-demand, no hard rule.** I default to bi-weekly, weekly for the first 3-6 months with a new starter. - **Bi-weekly for ICs, weekly for managers.** - **Tip:** Group your 1:1s into 1-2 days. Don’t spread them across the whole week. ## Ownership - Ask your direct report to **send you the invite.** The 1:1 is theirs, not yours. Provide a time window. - **Reschedule, don’t cancel.** The message that spending time with them matters is essential. - **Written agenda in the invite.** Add a link to notes / action items. ## Foundation: the first 4 sessions build trust Before we run a regular 1:1 agenda, we HAVE TO [build trust](https://www.marian.coach/blog/how-to-build-trust-with-engineering-teams/). Nobody responds openly to “how are you doing” unless the trust is real. These are the initial 4 sessions I run: ### Session #1: “I’m human” - I open up my profile: who I am, how to communicate with me, my principles, my way of working. - I ask about their professional and personal interests. - I state the message clearly: **“Your success is my success.”** ### Session #2: “We have a clear mission” - Make sure they understand our strategy, our current roadmap, and what opportunities are ahead. - Without this, we can’t expect them to make aligned decisions during planning or prioritisation. ### Session #3: “I want you to succeed” - Find the most valuable [career ambitions and personal goals](https://www.marian.coach/engineering-career-coach/) in the 6-24 month window. - Pick the right steps. Write down the IDP/PDP (a sheet is fine, no tool needed). - What might get in the way? How do we avoid it? ### Session #4: “I’m ready to help” - What areas do you want the most support with? - What’s the best way to give you feedback? Only after these four, we can move on to the typical 1:1 agenda. ## The core 1:1 agenda 1. Greetings: eyes, smile, attitude. 2. **Start with “How can I help you?”** in the very beginning. No status updates. Our roles change: they are above you. ![Marian Kamenistak in a 1:1 mentoring session.](https://www.marian.coach/_astro/mentoring-06.CFmbsSxo_XDdsL.webp) The agenda in practice: listening first, status updates last. 3. **Review your notes and action items.** Lead by example. 4. Set priorities: **“What is the topmost thing you focus on?”** Too many answers → no scope. No answer → no alignment. 5. Growth: **“How are you doing with your IDP/PDP?”** Ask monthly. Ask it once a quarter and you signal their growth isn’t important. 6. Only then, open operational topics. 7. **Write down action items and assign owners.** Note it in a tool. Spreadsheet is fine. Tip: use a separate issue type in Jira. What’s not on the board doesn’t exist. 8. Provide feedback. Energise on small wins: **“I enjoyed seeing…”** Or the negative: **“I was troubled to see…”** 9. Be grateful and human: **“Thanks.”** Plant the top outcome. **Tip:** Resist jumping to solutions right away. Understand the motivation and the priority first. Then guide, don’t rescue. Teach them to handle the situation on their own next time: “Have you communicated with X? Have you prepared Y? Have you thought of Z? Have you come up with a proposal before asking?” Teaching people to take ownership makes the company scale. Otherwise, you become the bottleneck. ## Async 1:1 - Build a direct private channel with each direct report. ![Marian Kamenistak in a 1:1 mentoring session.](https://www.marian.coach/_astro/mentoring-07.CaYSBaNE_X1W5R.webp) The 1:1 doesn’t end when the call does; the async channel carries it forward. - Put meeting notes, action items, and ownership there. - Build an automated nudge: **“Put your topics / thoughts / notes continuously.”** - **Semaphore rule:** if a report writes a message with a red flag, we resolve it instantly, not at the next session. ## Signals it’s working - The direct report talks more than you. - Status updates take a small share of the time; those belong in review meetings and transparent roadmaps. - Most importantly: **you feel the connection.** Trust. Purpose. ## When you run out of topics Check [1on.one](https://1on.one/). Or walk. Instead of closing yourself in a room, make it informal and walk to a coffee / tea / lunch. ## ”My manager s\*\*ks”: the IC’s playbook Individual contributors expect managers to set up the right environment. How about [managing up](https://www.marian.coach/blog/how-to-influence-my-manager/)? - Ask **“Can I take something off your plate?”** - Build a shared Slack channel or spreadsheet where you put the pre-agreed growth plan. - Ask to change the cadence or adjust the typical agenda. ## The mission Write down your company’s 1:1 guideline as a document in the knowledge base, not as a process. Guidelines survive. Processes decay. The more we help raise first-time engineering managers in our territory, the faster our local companies match Berlin and London. 1:1 mentoring ## Ready to move this from advice to action? 1:1 mentoring for engineering leaders. 300+ mentees since 2019. Pay-as-you-go or a 6-session pack. First intro is free. [Book a free 30-min intro →](https://www.marian.coach/mentoring/) ## Read next - [ ### Stop leading in isolation: build a community of practice for engineering managers Bi-weekly rituals, 6 discussion areas, the tiger-team model, and the exact tools to run a CoP that genlly changes how EMs work. Real playbook, not theory. 15 December 2024 · By Marian Read → ](https://www.marian.coach/blog/community-of-practice-for-engineering-managers/) - [ ### Should I Become a Team Lead? A 6-Dimension Answer Six dimensions predict whether the team lead role will fit you, drawn from 3,400+ mentoring sessions. Take the 3-minute test, get a straight verdict. 22 July 2026 · By Marian Read → ](https://www.marian.coach/blog/should-i-become-a-team-lead/) - [ ### AI Agents Don't Shrink Engineering Teams. They Expose Weak Managers. What AI coding agents change about the first-line engineering manager job: not headcount first, but feedback loops, spans, and what the role is for. 21 July 2026 · By Marian Read → ](https://www.marian.coach/blog/ai-agents-first-line-engineering-manager/) ### New posts, straight to your inbox. Your emailSubscribe You're on it. Nothing hits your inbox today. First send goes out once the list is live, and you're already on it. [Connect on LinkedIn →](https://www.linkedin.com/in/mariankamenistak/)[See the free tools →](https://www.marian.coach/ai-coaching-tools/) ## Structured data ```json {"@context":"https://schema.org","@type":"ProfessionalService","name":"Marian Kamenistak | Engineering Leadership Mentoring","url":"https://www.marian.coach/blog/one-on-ones/","image":"https://www.marian.coach/images/blog-covers/one-on-ones.webp","description":"The 60-min slot, the 4-session foundation to build trust, the core agenda, and the async pattern. 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